OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER

The Suits In Legal Made Us Say This!
(Read this before you do anything dumb!)

Welcome to The Center for Retirement Readiness, where we specialize in making sure you don’t turn into a bored, cranky fossil who thinks arguing with the cashier over expired coupons counts as a social life.

Now — grab your reading glasses and your strongest adult beverage, because here comes the fine print:

First off, in case you somehow missed the 74 obvious clues scattered across this site: We do not, under any circumstances, offer financial advice.

We don’t touch your 401(k), 403(b), 529, IRA, ETF, OMG, LOL, or any other confusing three-letter acronym you barely understand but brag about at cocktail parties.

We are strictly about the non-financial side of retirement.

You know — the part where you actually have to figure out what the hell you’re going to do all day besides overfeed your cat and refresh Facebook waiting for someone to like your potato salad photo.

If you’re here thinking we’re going to help you make millions trading Beanie Babies, meme stocks, crypto coins, or start a passive income empire selling fart-scented candles on Etsy — please click the nearest Exit button immediately and seek therapy.

We Are Not, and Never Will Be:

  • Your financial advisor (we can’t even advise ourselves on whether to get the fries or the onion rings).
  • Your CPA, tax preparer, accountant, money manager, or personal banker.
  • Your lawyer (the only thing we’re guilty of is excessive dad jokes).
  • Your estate planner, hedge fund manager, stockbroker, private equity bro, or offshore yacht sales- man.
  • Your emotional support animal (although, let’s be honest, we’re pretty darn comforting).
  • Your therapist, unless you count laughing hysterically until you cry as therapy (which you should).

We are educators. Entertainers. Providers of important life advice like “Don’t wear socks with sandals unless you’re committing to a full hermit lifestyle.”

We’re here to help you find purpose, stay connected, avoid becoming a cautionary tale, and squeeze every last ounce of awesomeness out of your retirement years — NOT to help you “optimize your capital gains strategy” or “harvest tax losses.”

(Seriously, we barely made it through 10ᵗʰ-grade algebra. Calm down.)

Now for the Fine Print That Could Save Us From Seeing You in Court:

  • Past performance is no guarantee of future results.
  • Just because your neighbor Earl found happiness joining a ukulele death metal band in Boca Ra- ton doesn’t mean you will.
  • Nothing you read, download, skim half-drunk at 2 am, or think you “vibed with” here should be inter- preted as financial advice, investment recommendations, tax guidance, estate planning wizardry, or legal counsel.
  • If you decide to sell all your possessions and follow a traveling Renaissance Fair based on some- thing we said — that’s between you, your questionable judgment, and your mom’s disappointment.
  • We strongly suggest you consult with real, live professionals — preferably ones who have actual certifications hanging on actual walls — before making any major decisions involving money, tax- es, legal documents, or whether you should name your new rescue ferret after a Marvel superhero.
  • Use your head.

We’re smart, we’re funny, we’re outrageously good-looking (probably), but we’re not your fiduciary.

We are here to educate and amuse — not to prevent you from making boneheaded financial decisions because you skimmed half a blog post while half-listening to reruns of “Judge Judy.”

In Summation (Because We Know You’re Skimming This Anyway):

  • We teach you how to live boldly, laugh loudly, and love life after work.
  • We help you design a retirement worth bragging about.
  • We provide inspiration, information, humor, and purpose.
  • We DO NOT, under any circumstances, mess with your money.

If you want to live your best retired life — packed with meaning, adventure, real friendships, belly laughs, stories you probably shouldn’t tell in polite company, and championship-level naps — you’re in exactly the right place.

If you want someone to tell you how to shelter assets, beat the stock market, or scam your way into tax-free yacht ownership, kindly exit stage left and find a sketchy TikTok influencer.

We’ll be over here — helping the smart ones figure out how to actually enjoy the one life they’ve got.

Final Warning:

If you sue us because you failed to read this disclaimer and thought we were your financial advisor, we will respond with exactly one thing: a personalized framed picture of this disclaimer with a giant, neon pink arrow pointing to the phrase “USE YOUR HEAD.”

You have been warned.

Now go have some fun...Retirement Legend! You’ve earned it.