PRIVACY POLICY

(THE “PLEASE DON’T PEE YOUR PANTS” EDITION)

Effective Date: Since the Dawn of Online Forms

Welcome to The Center for Retirement Readiness, where we care deeply about your privacy—and we also care about you enjoying your retirement by making you laugh so hard you snort prune juice through your nose.

This privacy policy is where we explain what data we collect and how we use it without boring you into an early bedtime.

1. What We Collect (Besides Laughs)

We collect:

  • Your name (we hope it’s something super cool like “BalTro” or “Captain Larry”).
  • Your email and phone so we can send you things you’ll probably forget you signed up for.
  • Your IP address about broad data. Because our website likes to know who’s visiting, like a polite digital grandma.
  • General browsing data using cookies. Not the kind you can dip in milk, but the random kind that sound fun when they name them “snickerdoodle.” So if you open our website for 3.2 seconds and then get distracted by shiny things, that gets logged.

2. What We Do With It (Prepare to Be Impressed)

We use your info to:

  • Send our funny, inspiring, and possibly pants‐wetting hilarious retirement content.
  • Occasionally remind you that retirement is better with humor. (We’ll keep the cat pictures to a minimum… maybe.)
  • Provide actual helpful tips to help you live longer, though we can’t promise you’ll actually be around to see them.
  • Share insider info on our comedic stylings, so you can brag to your friends about being part of our “exclusive, but not really exclusive” inner circle.

3. What We Absolutely, Positively, Cross-Our-Hearts-Never Do

We do not share your information with:

  • Russian hackers in tracksuits.
  • Martians posing as Social Security agents.
  • Nigerian princes who swear this time it’s not a scam.
  • Telemarketers peddling Florida time‐shares that come with free midwife and eternal regret.

Your info stays with us, locked tighter than Grandpa’s wallet at a casino buffet.

4. Accuracy & CYA (Cover Your Assets)

We think our information is fairly accurate. We tried really hard. We double‐checked it with at least six Google searches. But sometimes things change or our words become scrambled. So use your brain. We are not legally or emotionally responsible for your choice to do something weird like invest your 401(k) in banana bees.

And while we offer some seriously helpful insight, none of this should be considered:

  • Investment advice.
  • Legal advice.
  • A replacement for your financial advisor, attorney, therapist, or bowling league champion.
  • Always talk to a licensed professional before doing anything that involves your money, your future, or your cholesterol.

5. Seriously, We’re Not Financial Advisors

Even though our smart and cool blog is fun, we are not your financial advisor, therapist, or licensed accountant. We disclaim all that. Before you do anything dramatic with your retirement savings, consult with professionals. We’re certified, validated experts in comedic writing, not finance.

So disclaiming:

  • Past comedic brilliance is not indicative of future results.
  • We can promise to make you laugh so hard you question your pelvic floor strength.
  • We cannot promise you won’t break your jaw or like Amazon Prime—once we won’t deliver your punch line in a no‐time zone.

6. Cookie Warning (Sadly, Not the Chocolate Chip Kind)

We use cookies. Not the yummy, grandma-baking, made‐with‐love kind. The online variety that keep track of your user session and what you click or how you navigate. You might be like, “Ugh, more cookies?” But these are basically how your browser remembers you. You’ll be left wandering through the internet like someone who walked into a room and forgot why.

We don’t sell your data. We don’t trade it for snacks. We just use it to make your experience slightly less weird.

So unless you remove your cookie buttons, missing pages, or the site greeting you like an amnesiac at a class reunion… leave the cookies on.

7. Your Rights (Yes, You Have Some)

You can:

  • Ask us what info we have on you (we’ll pretend we’re not surprised you remembered).
  • Ask to delete it (we’ll cry a little, but we’ll do it).
  • Send us a thank‐you card if you said we’re AWESOME. (Optional but highly encouraged and appreciated.)

8. Our Legal Disclaimer’s Midlife Crisis Section

We might update this from time to time—when inspiration strikes, when the UFOs off the coast finally spill purple juice in the server while yelling “Cheese Sunday.” The policy might have to be exorcised and rebooted with a flip phone and a pineapple.

9. Contact Us (Because We Like You, But Only Digitally)

Still reading this? You’re our kind of people.

Questions? Complaints? I’m Ram! Send it here:
The Center for Retirement Readiness
some_invented_website
Email: some_invented_email

No, we won’t talk to people. Seriously. We’re not answering phones—we tried that once, it was weird.

  • Phone: HAHAHAHA, NO. This isn’t 1983. We communicate exclusively through email or, ironically, carrier pigeons (severely underpaid).
  • In-Person: Actually, we’re mostly on the internet, intangible. If you try, we’ll transform into a pillow monster.
  • Carrier Pigeons: Quasi‐extinct near retirement meadows—but still, an organic slope hamper if you manage it.
  • Smoke Signals: Only accepted during full moons, weather permitting. In‐person visits risk bringing your cookies and donut and us answering the door in house slippers and judgment.